This blog is about prostate cancer, but having any kind of cancer, whether you are the survivor or the care giver, is a major challenge.
Below is our first guest writer post talking about his experience in caring for his wife during her cancer experience.
I hope his story will help some of you in your own journeys.
What It’s Really Like to Care for a Cancer Patient
I never really talked about what life was like after my wife was diagnosed with mesothelioma. She sometimes tells me she can’t even imagine how I managed to cope with the situation of being a caregiver. That is why I hope I can express what I experienced during that time.
Right before she was diagnosed with cancer, approximately three months prior, she gave birth to our first and only child, Lily. We barely had enough time to celebrate Lily’s birth before the doctor told us about her diagnoses. The only thing I remember about that day was looking at my wife while she was crying and thinking, “What am I going to do?” I’ve never been in a situation like this before, and I never really considered that it could happen to us.
As much emotional pain my wife was in, I also felt like breaking down. In fact, I was just on the verge of tears before the doctor started questioning me about what we wanted to do about her future medical decision. I realized that I have no time to cry. My wife and I needed to make some critical, life-changing choices. It was just the first of many days from then on that I’d have to go through some emotionally overwhelming events.
Instead of being sad, I felt nothing but rage and fear soon after my wife’s diagnoses. For the most part, I could only utter profanity as a means of communication with my loved ones, my peers, and the doctors. Overtime, I learned to control my emotions. I sat alone, thinking, “I need to be strong for my wife and daughter.” That doesn’t mean that I never had any more struggles with my fear and anger, but I realized that I couldn’t let my family know that I was scared. I needed to be strong for them; I needed to let them know everything would be all right.
Through the mesothelioma treatment process, I had so many responsibilities. There were days when the to-do list was impossibly long. Not only did I have to worry about my work, I also made sure I handled travel arrangements, taking care of an infant, taking care of the pets and making sure I kept up with the medical appointments. I won’t lie; it was overwhelming. With time, however, I learned how to organize and prioritize everything that needed to be done. I learned to accept help from others when they were willing to help.
There was a specific period during the treatment that was especially hard. To this day, Heather, my wife, tells me she doesn’t know how I managed. That time was right after her surgery in Boston. Before the surgery, Heather wanted to fly to South Dakota to see her family. She also spent her time there to recover from her surgery. Lily was also staying with Heather’s parents. I stayed home to work to keep the bills from piling up. The thoughts and emotions that ran through my body were crippling. I wanted to be there to make sure Heather was doing well, but I was only able to see Heather and Lily once during this time.
I drove up there one Friday after work. It is an 11-hour drive each way and, to make matters worse, I drove through the night in a snowstorm. I had to spend a couple hours on the side of the road, hoping the snowplows would clear the roadways. Once they did, I continued my journey to see my wife and daughter. I arrived Saturday morning, spent the day with them, and prepared to make the 11 hour drive back in time for work on Monday.
I don’t regret those hard decisions. They were for the best. Sure, it was very difficult to be away from my family for so long, but there was nothing else I could have done. Cancer forces everyone to make difficult decisions. You never really know how strong you are until you have to go through something like this yourself. I learned to always accept help from others, because it’s just too hard to go through this fight on your own.
How to be a Guest Writer
Please send us a short email at GuestWriter@ThePCAP.org if you have a story you would like to share with our community.
Warm regards and best wishes to all.
Robert
1 comment
Said
December 9, 2012
Current screening recnmmendatioosAt this time, no major professional organizations, including the American Cancer Society, recommend routine lung cancer screening, either for all people or for those at increased risk. However, as the results from the NLST are further analyzed, some organizations may update their recnmmendatioos in the near future. In the meantime, some people who are at higher risk (and their doctors) may consider whether screening is appropriate for them.While a full cancer screening guideline is being developed, the American Cancer Society has created interim guidance for people and their doctors regarding the use of low-dose CT scans for the early detection of lung cancer:•People between the ages of 55 and 74 who meet the entry criteria of the NLST (see above) and are concerned about their risk of lung cancer may consider screening for lung cancer. With their doctor, people interested in screening should weigh the currently known benefits of screening with the currently known limits and risks in order to make a shared decision as to whether they should be screened for lung cancer.•Doctors may choose to discuss lung cancer screening with their patients who meet NLST entry criteria.•For people who do not meet the NLST entry criteria (because of younger age, smoking history, etc.), it is not clear if the possible benefits of screening outweigh the harms, so screening in these people is not recommended at this time. This is especially the case among people with no smoking history, in whom the possible harms are much more likely than benefits at this time. Whether people whose age or smoking history would have made them ineligible for the NLST should be screened will be addressed during the guidelines development process as more data becomes available.•People who choose to be screened should follow the NLST protocol for annual screening. This should be done in an organized screening program at an institution with expertise in spiral CT screening, with access to a multidisciplinary team skilled in finding and treating abnormal lung lesions. Referring doctors should help their patients find institutions with this expertise.•There is always benefit to quitting smoking. Active smokers entering a lung screening program should be urged to enter a smoking cessation program. Screening should not be viewed as an alternative to quitting smoking.•For people considering screening (and their doctors), some statistics from the NLST may be helpful. Of the nearly 26,000 people screened by low-dose CT in the NLST, 1,060 were diagnosed with lung cancer. Screening is estimated to have prevented 88 lung cancer deaths while causing 16 deaths. Six of the 16 deaths were in patients who ultimately were found not to have cancer.